I am on my toes as I go about my business as normal. I am on the highest, latest state of alert. In the grocery store, changing lanes on the highway, at the movie, or at the Fox Run mall. I search the landscape for dark skinned, undernourished middle eastern looking men with mustaches. I am ready to report to Homeland Security.

George Bush can count on me. I am a patriot now. I have quit making ironic or sarcastic remarks. I have quit having fun. I am finally politically correct. If you aren't with the president you're against him, and I'm with him 90% just like the rest of America.

It's wonderful. Everyone agrees on everything. Like racial profiling. As long as they aren't coming after portly, middle aged Scotch-Irish women I don't care. I believe our president really did choke on a pretzel and fall off the couch.

I believe the 300 dollar tax rebate can jump start the economy, that a fetus should have health care given by little tiny doctors, in drilling in all the national parks and increasing the military budget by 120 billion. I have a flag in my yard and a melody in my heart. God Bless America!